Across the River
by TyPinG sLOwLy
Summary: Meet Kyon, the lazy cow herder that would never do anything for anyone. Meet Haruhi, the delinquent Goddess that would never do anything for anyone. What happens when they meet? They don't do anything for anyone, of course! Based off Tanabata tale.
1. Chapter One: Meeting You Under the Stars

**Before you start reading, ths story is based off the Tanabata story so it's a different Universe (AU). Another thing, this is mostly an experiment. I could continue this or not. If you want to know more about the Tanabata story it pops after you search "Tanabata" so yeah . . .enjoy. And it's in Kyon's perspective if you want to ask.**

**I don't own Haruhi, Haruhi owns you!**

* * *

"Dammit."

I stared into the night sky searching for a way out of this mess, finding a river of stars - the Milky Way - above me. I felt something brush up against me and I pushed it away in anger.

_Why me? _I noticed the moon overhead, barely clearing the tree tops.

And yes, a cow was annoying me.

And yes, it was late.

And yes, I didn't want to be there.

And yes, I had to be there.

Thus is the fate of a cow herder, you had to herd cows. Would most people want to herd cows? I certainly _didn't_ but I had to or else there would be no way for me to survive. And my little sister was counting on me. So, here I was bringing the cows out for a midnight stroll through an unwelcoming forest. You could say I was lucky some wolves hadn't decided to stroll along with me. The cow sniffed my hand curiously and I pulled my hand away. Don't tell me you're hungry, you just ate five minutes ago!

Sighing, I stomped towards the river that was close by.

And don't make me turn around you single brain celled animal!

I was tempted to let go of the reins but . . . I didn't feel like getting yelled at today.

By the time I had gotten close to the river the stupid cow wouldn't budge an inch. What, you want to head back_ now_? It took most of my strength just to move the stupid thing and once my strength had run dry, I fell straight into . . .

. . . the river.

I got up onto my ankles to get the water from my ears and realized that the water was moving slightly.

_That's it you stupid cow, I won't show mercy!_

_. . ._

Instead of staring directly into the eyes of a black and white animal I saw . . .

A girl . . .

I immediately turned away in embarasment.

"Sorry . . . I didn't know that . . ."

"So you're human?"

. . . Yeah of course.

"Good, cause guess what?"

Do I even want to know?

"You're the first human I ever met!"

. . . she's serious?

Hello? I'm a guy and your um . . . naked so . . .

It took the girl a while to figure out that I was turning away from her.

"Wait . . . why aren't you looking at me? It's pretty rude to be talking to someone without looking at them."

I would look but . . . I'm not like that . . .

Who is this girl anyway? Not human? I'm the first human she's ever met? Wait, was she raised by wolves or something? We stood there for a few minutes before I decided to say something.

"Uh . . ."

"What?"

She sounded demanding.

"Your clothes . . . can you?"

"Oh! Yes, yes! I keep forgetting."

. . . Yep, she was raised by wolves, definitely. She suddenly moved from where she was standing, heading towards the shoreline.

"Your cow isn't going to come near here you know."

Wait, what?

"It's not really a river you see . . ."

Of course it's _not_ a river. After all, we're not _standing_ in it right now.

"If you think about it, it's more of a barrier between two worlds. Do you believe in gods?"

"Don't know, should I?"

She laughed softly at my remark as she put a white robe around her body. I slowly looked back at her.

She was beautiful, that was all I could say. She had long dark hair that stretched down her back and had a complexion as clear as the water beneath her.

If she wasn't so weird I might actually fall for her . . .

Wait . . . what am I thinking?

"Well you should believe, since you're talking to one."

. . .What?

"Yup."

". . . can you stop joking around?"

"No I'm serious. I'm always serious"

I sighed as I looked over towards where I had fallen. My head must've hit a rock or something. Was I really desperate enough to be dreaming about a beautiful girl bathing in a river? And a crazy one at that? My mind never once came close to imagining something like this. Sure I did daydream . . . and sometimes that got me into trouble . . . but . . .

Great . . . my cow's gone.

"Alright, whatever. Just tell me who you are," I said in frustration. She better hurry because I needed to chase that stupid animal down.

"My human name is Haruhi, Suzumiya Haruhi."

. . . I wonder how you write that.

Should I call you Suzumiya-_sama_?

"I don't really like the sound of that . . ."

Then just Haruhi?

"Fine."

We stood in silence, glaring at each other.

"Do you want to sit down?" I offered.

"Fine."

* * *

We sat near the waters edge with the water lapping at our feet. I rest my head against a tree trunk in order to clear my thoughts. I was going to get into trouble, wasn't I? And now I'm stuck with this girl Haruhi who believes she's a "God". I've stopped believing in that type of thing years ago. Has any God/Goddess ever come to help me? Well, I hope she's actually a Goddess, then maybe she'll help me pay for that cow I just lost. I heard her sigh as she dug her feet into the sand.

"What?"

"I would have thought that you humans would have been more . . . exciting."

More exciting? Being human isn't all fun and games you know . . .

"I would have thought that the first human I met would've been more . . . entertaining."

"Entertaining?"

"Yes! It gets pretty boring up in heaven. I have to weave stuff day in day out. Once I finish, I have to restart with a new one. Thank my father."

"Let me guess, he's a God?"

"Wow, you're catching on. You're not as stupid then what I first thought."

. . . Please keep remarks like that to yourself.

"Anyway . . . I decided to break a few rules just to come down here. And look what I found! It's just as boring!"

"You can't really help that . . ."

She turned to glance at me, sending shivers down my spine.

"Really?"

"Yeah . . ."

That stare you're giving me is creepy . . .

"How?"

Now, I would go on to say that humans have different personalities and such but . . . I don't even believe she's a "god" in the first place. A Goddess who appears near a river and starts ranting on how boring heaven is. My mind's working today now isn't it?

"Whatever . . ."

Just . . . keep thinking that you're a "God".

"Jeez you humans! You need to think a bit more!"

"Then what are you? A 'Goddess'? How am I suppose to believe that?"

She "humphed" and turned to look away from me. I sighed deeply and rested my head against the trunk again. What would most people do in a situation like this? Would they run away? Insult her? Just nod their head with every stupid thing she was saying? What was I doing? I wasn't actually believing her, was I? I closed my eyes and drifted off, my body was still wet from that stumble. Now if only I could just . . .

"Hey!"

"Wha?"

"You want proof?"

Well that would be nice but . . .

"Then here!"

She threw a huge lump towards me and I caught it clumsily. It looked like a basket of some sort that you would use to carry apples or something.

"Yeah, and . . .?"

"Look in it."

I peered inside, half believing this was just some stupid prank. I saw a mirror along with my reflection looking back at me. I paused for a second, then looked back over to Haruhi.

"What do I do with it?"

"Keep looking!"

I sighed then looked back at the mirror that somehow fit itself inside. The reflection started to swirl. I blinked once and saw something other then my reflection.

My sister?

"What is this? Why is my sister in here?"

"Jeez, you need to keep looking moron."

I looked back towards the reflection in the mirror.

My sister swung her legs as she sat on the fence, looking off into the distance. She hummed quietly a soft tune that matched the rhythm of her pumping legs.

_"I wonder when Kyon-kun's coming home . . ."_ she said, looking towards the road. I realized that moon was in the exact same position as it was when I had looked up earlier. Was this my sister right now? The mirror suddenly swirled to reveal . . .

Me? I saw myself looking into the basket like some idiot. I jumped suddenly and looked around.

That girl was gone.

Hey . . . don't just leave me when you haven't paid for my cow yet! Well if I looked into the mirror then maybe . . .

She's behind me, isn't she?

"There, your proof. A magic mirror. Cool huh?"

She came in from around the tree, grabbing the basket from me. I just sat there staring at her. Seriously? I'm suppose to believe she's a God just by this basket mirror thingy? This person has issues. Though, might as well pretend to believe her, I might get that money needed to pay for that cow. She twirled around in a circLe then sat back into her seat.

"You humans believe that we can see anything from anywhere so . . ."

"You made this?"

"Yep!"

I sighed and rested my head against the tree once more. Can I leave? It's getting a bit late . . . My eyes moved over to where Haruhi was sitting.

She was staring sadly into the sky, her eyes twinkling along with the stars. I sat confused, then looked up at the stars with her.

"Aren't the stars beautiful?" she asked. I glanced at the Milky Way then back at her. A single tear drifted down her eye.

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked in alarm.

"Sorry it's just . . ." she paused, "I wonder what it would feel to be seperated by the Milky Way. I would definintly feel lonely."

"But that's impossible, they're stars," I said. She smiled a hundred watt smile and wiped her tears.

"Yeah I know, of course!"

. . . Then why did you say that? I'm getting quite confused.

"Don't worry about it."

She stood up and didn't even bother wiping any dirt from her robeS until I realized it hadn't gotten dirty in the first place. Weird.

"So you're name is Kyon? All right then, show me the way!"

"What?"

I jerked up at this. Don't tell me she . . .

"I don't have a home so I order you to bring me to where you stay!"

No, no way in hell!

"You better move. Oh! and you're cow made it's way home safe and sound."

Well thanks but I really think . . .

"Now mush!"

Mush? Am I a dog?

* * *

So I met the estranged girl named Haruhi Suzumiya. Let me ask one question, can my life go back to normal?

* * *

**Thanks for reading and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter Two: Night and Day

Personally, I've never been afraid of the dark. Then again, I didn't have the eyes of a cat either.

This person definitely had some sort of night vision.

After Haruhi decided I didn't have the sight of a pack wolf, she grabbed my wrist and lead silently through the forest. Her feet didn't break a single branch. I, on the other hand, stumbled through the forest like a drunken leopard. It didn't seem to bother Haruhi though . . . she was a God after all.

I was still having trouble believing that.

We suddenly stopped and I almost plunged straight into her. Watch where you're going!

"I forgot, where do you live?"

It took you this long to ask me?

"Just . . . keep going forward . . ." I said with a defeated look.

Before I was able to finish my sentence she started to pull me like a child's favorite doll. My wrist was beginning to hurt . . .

"You're so slow so stop complaining!"

Was her response to my grunting. Whatever . . . let's just hope she doesn't lead us off a cliff . . .

Is it me or is this forest really . . . quiet. Usually there would be bugs chirping away, maybe the rustling of a raccoon who decided to check up on who was making such racket. It was quite erie . . .

Before I could ask Haruhi why the forest was a definition of silence, she suddenly stopped again. I was prepared this time though and halted alongside her. We stood there for a few seconds before she decided to let go of my wrist. I welcomed this gratefully until I was suddenly pulled off my feet by my shirt. Before I could protest, Haruhi plunged through the forest, ignoring the graceful way she was walking before.

"What the . . ." I managed to spit out as air rushed through my lungs a bit too quickly.

"Damn . . . I should've known it wouldn't have been so easy . . ." she muttered.

So easy? Yeah well who cares how easy it was, can you just slow down a bit?

"No I can't. They'll catch up to me."

"Wait, who?"

"Stop asking questions. I need to concentrate."

I wouldn't say she was concentrating, more like breaking everything in her path. Is it too late to ask for it to become eerily quiet again?

We continued on, barley missing a tree, climbing up a small hill, rushing across a small stream . . . all the while I hovered in the air like a noose. No forget that, Haruhi was the noose and I was the unfortunate soul to meet the noose. Except I wasn't a criminal or anything, more like an innocent bystander who was accused of murder. Yeah . . . I need to breath.

Haruhi stopped and I collapsed to the ground breathing deeply. What has she been eating? I'm seriously exhausted. You would think that herding cows and stuff would take a lot of strength but . . . I was definitely put under the weather there. Or maybe it's because I always slacked off.

After my breath was caught, I stood up carefully looking over to Haruhi.

I noticed that we had somehow circled around to the river again except we were standing on the opposite side. How far did we run, or should I say, she run? Wait . . . we did cross it before?Did we turn around? I must've been so out of that I didn't notice. Well, there goes the sharp observation skills I highly praised. Not that I _could_ have observed anything while she was running like that.

The second thing I noticed was that we weren't alone.

On the opposite side of the river stood another girl with dark robes. Haruhi seemed to glare at her like she was someone who had betrayed her. I was starting to wonder if I should just go until the girl on the opposite side began to speak.

"Nice day isn't it," the other girl said.

. . . Did I drink something? What is wrong with me. Can't anyone answer this question?

"Go away."

Haruhi's golden eyes seemed to pierce the other girl through the heart.

"I did promise . . . I just wanted to get it back."

Before I started guessing what object she was referring to, something materialized from next to Haruhi.

That basket?

_. . . _huh?

Did I really not see it disappear before or . . .

I'll just ignore what just happened . . .

"Here take it. It's pretty useless anyway."

It seemed important to you before. After all, you did grab it from me like a child who was letting his friend play with his favorite toy.

"Useless to you maybe but we need it."

You know . . . they are completely ignoring me here.

The basket hovering beside Haruhi disappeared again and the other girl seemed satisfied.

. . . Was that it? The girl paused and looked over towards me. What was that look? It seemed familiar. If I thought back hard enough, it looked a lot like that stare Haruhi gave the stars. Loneliness . . .?

"Get going!" Haruhi demanded. You don't need to be so forceful . . .

"I know . . . I did promise."

She keeps talking about this "promise". Good grief . . .

* * *

Shortly afterward . . .

"Guh! Why did she scare me like that?"

Haruhi began to rant as she stormed towards the direction we were heading before, minus the wrist pulling. Miraculously, life had returned to the dreary forest. Haruhi paused in the middle of her rant and glared at me.

"Well?"

"Huh?"

"Direction. Lead."

Sigh . . . fine. I walked ahead and Haruhi looked at me expectedly. I wanted to ask who that girl was but . . . I knew that she wouldn't answer my question.

"So slow!"

And her yelling at me was making this worse.

Sooner or later we got out of the forest and met the clearing. I know what you're thinking, a cow farm in the middle of a forest? It was a clearing that was at least ten miles long. Since it was still pretty early I decided to lead Haruhi along the edge of the forest, possibly away from the watchful eyes of the guards. Yeah . . . this isn't an ordinary cow farm if it could be called that at all. I looked over to Haruhi who seemed to be pouting. What is it now?

"Too normal."

"I warned you already didn't I?"

"Yeah but there is no way I would believe in a moron like you."

Well thanks a lot.

We headed towards a shack.

"What's that?" she asked pointing towards it with disgust.

"My house."

"You can't be serious! There is no way I'm going to sleep in there!"

"Who said you were staying with me?"

"I did!"

"Well go ahead and take that back if you want. I'll definitely be happy about it."

"Shut up."

During our spat, we had cleared enough ground to see the fence my sister had been sitting on earlier. She probably went inside to rest. Haruhi kicked a rock at my feet and I glared back at her.

"What was that for?"

"For being so lazy. You don't even have a proper house. I feel sorry for your little sis."

First of all, I'm not that lazy. I do admit it at times but not enough to doctrine myself as the laid back, ignorant, commoner. I have my moments. Second of all, you don't know what I've been through, even though you call yourself a know-it-all "God".

It looked like all that information I just fed her didn't pass through her ears since she dully looked back at me.

"Fine, as long as I get your bed."

. . . Good grief (again).

* * *

_Slam_

The door which was hanging by two hinges was forced open by the tornado named Suzumiya Haruhi. I was starting to wonder how much energy this girl had for the millionth time until my sister barged in.

"Where were you?" she asked in a worried voice, completely ignoring the fact that our door was almost split in two. Yeah . . . thanks a lot . . .

Haruhi on the other hand briskly walked through the door like it was her own house and peered into the room my sister had come from.

"Terrible!" she muttered. I could hear her mumbling other curses as well as she entered my sister's room . . .

"Disgusting!"

"What is that?"

"This is a bed!"

"Humans!"

I wondered if that was her form of shouting "God!". . .

. . . Damn, what happened to my disbelief?

My sister, who was looking at me suspiciously, headed over to me who was the dumbfounded bastard. She started complaining about whoever burst through our door until Haruhi decided to show her face again. I was hoping that she would disappear out the window in my sister's room but . . . my hopes are bit too big I guess.

"That's it, this place needs a makeover. Redo everything!"

"Why?"

Haruhi glared at me until she noticed my sister who was contemplating whether to call the guards over. Haruhi's face immediately softened and she walked over slowly. What are you doing now?

"Don't worry, I'll save you from the cruel depths of your older brother's failure to do _anything_ with his life."

Stop being so melodramatic! As if you weren't exaggerating enough already. . .

My younger sister looked at Haruhi for a second, then started to grin in my direction. Wait a sec . . . it's not -

"Are you a friend of Kyon's?"

-like that.

That's fine too though. Haruhi looked up at me then gave me a wicked smile. I'll have to mark this down in the Expressions-That-I-Should-Avoid list. Even though I just met her, this list is climbing to dangerous levels. How much paper will be needed?

"Friend . . ."

. . . She said this like she was trying to seduce me or something. I really have to be on my toes around her don't I?

"Nope. Kyon here is going to allow me to stay here and borrow his bed."

She said this like she was going to borrow my eyes from my eye sockets so that she could finally see. She really needs to stop being so . . . energetic. It's starting to piss me off.

In the end, I showed Haruhi to my room in defeat, though her reaction to it was like her realizing that the eyes she had acquired only allowed her to see colors and not shapes. My room turned out to be worse off then my sister's, in her opinion. I was starting to wonder if she was some spoiled princess or something because of her spoiled rich kid sort of feel. Sorry it's not the palace in the sky with rainbows and unicorns.

Before she got it into her head to steal my sister's room, I brought the only table we had from the kitchen over to my room and put the ripped up futon an top so the "bugs wouldn't crawl over her in the dead of night". I wondered if she had a fear of bugs or something, though the thought was pretty hilarious. Even a Goddess thought termites and mosquitoes were a pointless addition to the food chain.

I opted to sleep outside, the cold wooden floor didn't really look welcoming. And I had wasted all the padding I had on the Goddess's luxury.

I thought over the day deeply, pondering the "what to do now" and looked up to the stars again. I had met a God. If what happened with that mystery girl was any proof at all then . . . then that basket was pretty suspicious looking. I would never believe in something like "fate" or other words related to it. All I knew was that my life was going to change and I knew in which direction it was going to change. Straight down towards the abyss of ignorance.

Was it then when the gears started shifting?

The stars kept me company until I saw a figure in the distance. The only thing I caught of this shadow before drifting into unconsciousness was of the short hair drifting around her face like snow.

* * *

**Again, the opinion of the people matter so cast your review! (great now I sound like I'm asking people to vote for me or something . . .)**

**Happy Fourth of July everyone!**


	3. Chapter Three: Are You Alone?

"Hey."

A voice, a calm voice.

A field of tall grass entered my view along with a gentle breeze.

It was a dream, I knew that much. But how much of it was a dream? I couldn't tell.

"Hey!"

The voice increased in intensity.

I turned around, the grass brushing my legs softly.

Where am I? What happened to the peaceful sleep I was enjoying?

Why do my dreams have to contain pointless yelling? I looked over to what looked like the girl I had seen before. I calmly stared at her as she came towards me slowly, the tall grass flattening at her steps.

"_Who are you?"_ I asked. She smiled kindly; a smile that looked so familiar that I could have swore to have seen it before. Her eyes were of purest silver and her short hair blew softly. She stood erect a few meters away from me, holding out her hand.

"What do you wish for?" she asked. "I'll give you whatever you want."

I would like to get out of this surreal dream, there's a start. Or am I only allowed one wish? I was going to ask her this question before she turned around suddenly, her hand balling into a fist. Was it just me, or was her expression that of . . . anger? Even though I just met her . . . it seemed odd to see such an expression on her face. Or was it just because I had only seen expressions of kindness?

"But unfortunately, I can't give you what you want. It's just that I don't want it of you myself."

What? Had I already wished something from her?

"_Wait, what do I want?_" I asked.

She looked over her shoulder, her soft eyes looking into my own. Before I was entranced by her eyes she replied.

"Freedom."

. . .

"_You must be mistaken. I'm already free."_ I said.

"To you, the image of freedom is that of no worries. You are not free because you worry."

Okay? I'm lost. I didn't know my mind was such a philosopher.

I had to ask.

"_What do I worry about?"_

She turned around again and began to walk away. She almost whispered this as she dived into the canopy of trees that had suddenly grown behind her.

"You worry about being alone."

* * *

I hated mornings. The thing about the morning is that the sun seemed to enjoy shining light into your blissful dreams. I wondered how the phrase "sunshiny personality" came from until I felt an increasing pain to the head which forced me to wake up. Damn karma.

"Do you know how long I've been awake? An hour! One full hour! How dare you make me wait!"

Slow down. I already have one sun to wake me up, I don't need another. Though if you think about it, if there were two suns we'd all be frying bodies. Wait, am I describing Haruhi as a sun?

. . . Why do I keep doing that? I need to stop comparing her to powerful things; she isn't a God or Goddess. I won't admit it, ever. How could she be when her personality was so human like?

"What's with that face like you're trying to plan something? I already have a plan for the day."

"Yeah? Well too bad I have to do work unlike you, moocher."

"I didn't steal anything of yours. I didn't even eat any of your food yet."

So my bed isn't a good enough example?

I sat up and stretched my unfortunate muscles, yawning deeply, and then glared towards Haruhi who looked at me curiously.

"What?"

"Wipe your drool. You better not have been dreaming about anything perverted."

It was anything _but_ perverted. More like . . . nostalgic. I didn't voice this though as Haruhi turned towards my house. If I told Haruhi that I had dreamed of the girl we met across the river . . . she probably wouldn't like it. She probably didn't want to be reminded of that other girl based on her reaction of her yesterday. Yeah . . . I'll just forget about that dream. I barely remember it now anyway.

Haruhi stormed into my house, the door was already open and she didn't even bother closing it. I followed slowly, looking over my shoulder to where I had seen that shadow last night. It was probably just someone out for a midnight stroll . . . yeah . . .

Moving on . . .

I noticed that the house had undergone some drastic changes over the hour I had been asleep. Somehow, the cobwebs had disappeared from the corners of the room and the dust that had mingled on the mantle of the decrepit fireplace had dispersed. I also noticed that some of the paintings that I had shoved into the attic made a return.

If I hadn't known, this definitely wasn't my house. I looked around uncomfortably until I spotted Haruhi over in the kitchen brewing something in a pot that smelled like boiled water. She didn't do this by herself?

"Yep, all me!" she answered as she sipped whatever concoction she was making in the pot.

"I can't believe this is all the cooking materials you have! A pot, a spoon, and one knife! And you only have two plates. I don't know whether to call you cheap or stupid!"

You completely forgot to explain how you managed to clean my house in under an hour.

"Well it was pretty easy. Your house is pretty empty anyway. I asked Imoto-chan where any decorations were and she showed me to the attic. I can't believe you would shove stuff like that up there! The poor walls looked too much like you – dull and boring."

Why would you care about how the walls felt?

I sighed and sat down in a chair, realizing that the table wasn't there to hold my elbows to rest my aching head, and stood up instead choosing the wall to rest against. Please forgive me wall.

My little sister was outside and after asking Haruhi where outside she replied "cows."

It's called a barn you know.

I left Haruhi to her _Godly Cooking_ and headed towards the barn. I had to make sure that cow had made it's way back. I didn't trust Haruhi's word that it had miraculously made it back. The barn wasn't far from the house, only a short walk. It looked a lot like my house except for the fact that it was much wider. We only owned two cows, so it really shouldn't be a cow farm. They're more like pets and we only really provided half of our milk to the town that was close by. The rest we drank.

Milk's good for the bones after all.

I rolled to door open, spotting my sister milking the cow that had been "lost." Seemed like Haruhi was right. I remained silent as I edged towards her. Was she angry? After all, it had taken me hours to do a task which should only take one hour. I would be mad too.

Instead, my sister turned to look at me sadly. Don't cry please.

"Why did you take so long to get home? Was it because of your 'friend'?"

Please don't exaggerate the "friend". We're more like acquaintance really. I had only met her yesterday.

"Where? The river? You were only supposed to clean the cow Kyon-kun!"

"When did you start being so concerned for me? I've left for days before and you didn't mind then."

"That was before _that _happened. I don't want to be alone Kyon, ever. I don't like it."

_You worry about being alone.  
_

I didn't really talk this seriously to my sister. She mostly smiled whenever I made a mistake and said, "Stupid Kyon" and moved on. That's what I liked about her.

I wondered what was wrong. Whose to blame?

Was it you, Haruhi?

* * *

"I want to go out," Haruhi proclaimed as she finished her breakfast.

Haruhi demanded that the table was to be brought out from my room and into the kitchen . It turned out that Haruhi had made oatmeal. When I asked her where she had gotten the ingredients she had said,

"I wished for it of course! But I didn't wish for the oatmeal. It would've been boring if I didn't put my sweat and tears into it."

Why didn't you wish for a frying pan instead? Make and omelet instead of oatmeal

"So did you wish for my house to become magically clean too?"

Haruhi, who was serving our food glared at me.

"Why would I do that? That would be boring. I was just doing something to drown out the snores from outside."

Because of that comment, Haruhi declared that I would eat from the pot _and_ have the smallest portion. Before I could protest, she threw the pot with the leftovers and I struggled to catch it. Did she like throwing things at me or something? I ate with the spoon Haruhi had been stirring the food in as my sister and Haruhi enjoyed small talk. Somehow, they both got along fine ignoring the previous suspicion my sister had. She must have just been worried for my safety.

Haruhi had somehow finished her meal before me and now she was bored.

Yeah, the food must have been what made her so energetic. She practically stuffed herself like she was a starved lion. My sister thought it was some contest so she rushed to eat as well. I was the only one left with food and I had less of a portion then both of them.

Isn't the world cruel?

"What sights do you have around here? I heard that humans had communities or towns. Could we go to it?"

There is no way we could go. I had to feed the cows and herd them outside. We couldn't just leave them alone.

"I'll stay."

I looked over to my sister and she smiled.

"You should go Kyon-kun. You rarely have friends over."

. . . That was nice and all but I really don't want to go. Haruhi's energetic smile was a poisonous apple as she rushed to the door without even thanking my sister. Well, I should have expected that I guess. I looked back at my sister to see if she changed her mind. I must have looked worried for she nodded her head.

"I'll be fine. I'm not a little kid."

If you say so . . .

* * *

I wished that we owned horses instead of cows. At least they did something useful; they provided transportation that my sore feet desperately needed. The problem with the location of the town was that it was on a rather tall hill called a mountain. No, it was really just a tall hill. Anyway, Haruhi with her stamina outreaching climbed the hill like a bull ramming into steel. The problem with that is that she's actually making progress.

I, on the other hand, was left in the dust of the tornado she had started. I wish she would slow down, just a little. For my hearts sake.

I was starting to have Déjà vu for Haruhi turned around and started mocking me, calling me a turtle, even running behind me to give me a "push."

She really does treat humans like dirt.

We finally reached the top of the hill to the "communities that humans gather in" or so what she called it before.

It was a simple town with traditional buildings scattered about mixed with houses as decrepit as my own. Large walls surrounded this town and had a certain feel of power. I'm sure Haruhi would like that.

Unfortunately, she wasn't impressed.

"That's it?"

Yep.

". . . Well I guess we'll have to look inside to get the full experience."

She was still expecting something from this? It wasn't as if the town was interesting or anything, more like crowded and stuffy to me. I rarely went to town. We had water covered since we did live near a river and food could be hunted and gathered. The reason for this was simple.

I hated town.

Every time I had to come here my hate just increases.

I stopped near the gate and Haruhi continued forward, only to stop as soon as she realized I had stopped following her.

"Come on, moron."

I silently glared near the top of the stone wall, my eyes inching over the aged structure. This was the place where . . .

Suddenly I felt a hand grab my wrist and a strong force pulled me through the gate. Sigh . . . did I really need to tell you who was pulling my wrist?

Everything was still the same – the smell of smoke remained hanging in the air like a storm cloud, the things called "houses" were crowded tight together like little chickens huddling for warmth, and the people only had the colors of gray and brown in the palate of their clothing. Haruhi frowned at this and marched past a carted horse that was carrying wood and iron.

I was starting to wonder where she was taking me until we reached a tailor, and it looked pretty rich too. It was the only colorful thing that I could see down the road so it had to be owned by someone rich.

Wait, why was this shop in the poorest part of town? They must not get much profit. And why was Haruhi bringing me to such a place? Surly _I_ wouldn't be able to afford anything here. Unless she wanted to just browse the store . . .

Haruhi puffed her cheeks like a blowfish. What a silly expression.

"I want to buy reasonable clothing. There is no way I want to wear any of your stuff and your sister's clothes are too small. I need to blend in as a human."

"Oh yeah, you're still wearing that white robe. Can't you just 'wish' for your own clothing?"

She frowned and crossed her arms.

"I don't want too."

". . ."

You know if you don't display your power in front of me, I won't believe you. Is it because you're bored?

She remained silent as she stared into the window.

. . . I really hope whatever she gets isn't too expensive. I don't want her to stand out too much.

"Let's go," she said pulling me by the wrist again. I can walk myself you know . . .

I felt like I was offending someone walking into such a place. The floors were waxed like precious diamonds and I was afraid I would break the floor if I stepped on it.

I didn't have a choice in the matter though as Haruhi lead me to the back of the store. I spotted a few people and they were all girls.

. . . Great now I feel more out of place. This wasn't just a rich tailor; it was a tailor for _women_.

If the owner was a man then . . .

"Can I help you?"

. . . Sometimes I just hate myself.

A short stubby man came out from the room in the back of the shop. He was the typical rich snotty store owner. Can go now?

After preventing me from escaping, Haruhi smirked towards the owner with her arm outstretched.

"Yes, what do you have that is most expensive here? The higher quality, the better."

The tailor looked like he was hiding a chuckle and instead turned it into a small smile. I couldn't tell if it was out of her stupidity or if it was the chuckle of greed.

This was why I _hated_ it here.

His eyes went from her to me then quickly back to her. Yeah, if we compared complexion, Haruhi would win with flying colors. He probably thought I was her servant or something.

. . . And I definitly _hated_ that.

He quickly disappeared through the door he had come from and Haruhi suddenly sprung to action. She suddenly went searching throughout the store, leaving me behind. Whatever she was looking for it better be threads and needles.

I suddenly heard a squeal then an "Aha!" and Haruhi ran towards me with another person in tow.

And a rather beautiful person I might add.

The girl had the clothes of a princess and the face of a small doll. She was more of a Goddess then Haruhi here, considering. Haruhi then said in a rather loud voice so the whole store heard,

"Why there you are Itoko-chan! Don't go running off silly!"

Huh? Does Haruhi know her? I don't think so since Haruhi did say I was the first human she had met . . .

The girl (named Itoko?) closed her eyes and clenched her purse like it was a sword protecting her from a witch's incantation to put her into a three years sleep.

"W-w-wah . . . n-no . . . I-I'm not . . ."

"It's a good thing I found you before dark!"

It was like a comedy skit with Haruhi hitting the girl with a fan and laughing her ass off.

. . . Good grief.

The tailor motioned us into the back room and we headed inside along with the randomly named Itoko. What was she planning? Before we entered the room Haruhi whispered softly into my ear.

"Stand near the door and make sure no one comes inside."

So wait, I'm not coming in?

Before I could respond, Haruhi slammed the door in my face leaving me stranded outside. I looked over my shoulder to see the women customers staring at me curiously.

Sigh . . . this isn't a good day for me is it? I started tapping my foot and waited for at least thirty minutes. What was she doing? If she was taking off her clothes in front of Mr. Tubby my fist would meet his face. And if he even touched that girl Haruhi abducted then he's going to die a slow and painful death.

After an intensifying wait, I heard a scream from the opposite side of the door. I then heard a click from the door then a gasp of surprise. The people of the store looked over in shock and some looked over in disgust.

I tried to turn the door handle but it was locked.

That bastard! What was he doing to innocent Itoko? What the hell was Haruhi doing?

. . . After a few minutes the door opened to reveal a smiling Haruhi with a ton of dresses in hand. I took a look inside the room and saw the owner shaking in the corner.

Before I could start guessing what happened, I looked over to named Itoko who looked like she was going to faint from the blood rushing to fast to her face.

Haruhi's voice then rose to address the store.

"Sorry that was me! Damn he has good prices!"

Haruhi the grabbed the girls hand and threw the dresses over towards me who caught them clumsily.

"Let's get out of here," she whispered before making her way to the entrance.

She just . . . extorted his property, didn't she? Good grief. . . I just hope that he won't report her. With that in mind I followed Haruhi and our new found friend.

Why didn't you just wish for a money tree or something?

* * *

**Whew, long chapter. But enjoyable. Is it okay if writing something is entertain the author more then the readers? I hope to provide chapters as long as this but that would depend on whether I'm entertained for long enough. Believe it or not, typing exercises your muscles. Enough rambling, please tell me what you think! I don't want my audience not to laugh at my jokes!**


	4. Chapter Four: Multiple Aliases

After Haruhi practically dragged us all over town to "confuse the enemy", the poor girl collapsed next to an old brick building. We were in the shady part of town. Why would Haruhi take us to a place like this? Though I can't really question a "Goddess" now can I?

"Keep a move on!"

"Wha—what?"

Haruhi paused to look at her new specimen carefully.

"Who are you?"

Her name better not actually be Itoko. I can't believe people actually thought that was her name. And what would you have done if someone knew her? Well, Haruhi?

"A-Asahina Mikuru. I'm from—"

"That's great! Now tell me Mikuru-chan, do you believe in Gods?"

Don't call her that, you barely know each other!

"Wha-what?"

It seemed that the only answer Asahina can come up with is a stunned "what?" I really needed to stop this . . .

"Haruhi, how did you get these?" I asked.

I saw Asahina shake suddenly as I shoved the stolen goods in Haruhi's face. What did you do to cause such an innocent beauty to shudder so? If you don't answer I'm going to grab Asahina and run for the hills. Though Haruhi would probably be able to catch up . . .

"Simple persuasion, though I won't give out my secrets to a lowly human like you."

Since when did I become a lowly human?

"Anyway, how I got it isn't important. What we do with it now is."

Who really cares about the when, I already know that.

Then I guess all I can do is imagine how this disastrous event occurred.

Haruhi probably stormed into the room demanding whatever was worth more than what she had which was basiclly nothing. The tailor probably laughed in her face - this probably sent her fuming. Haruhi then used Asahina here as a weapon of extortion. _This means she probably defaced her body._ It's the only thing that I could think of since she was boiling hot red as soon as they came out of that room.

And I don't believe Haruhi screamed out of jubilation. That sounded more like a scream of horror to me. How Haruhi could persuade the people in the store with that story, I would never know.

"Ahem, Kyon."

"What?"

"I'm going to change."

"And?"

"Turn around, idiot!"

Wait, huh? Haruhi grabbed the dresses I was waving and shoved me away. When did Haruhi become so self conscious? I found her naked in a river for crying out loud! She didn't even feel bothered by it . . .

Well, I must've finally taught her something. I never knew I would get through to Haruhi's thick skull. At least I didn't ever need to deal with awkward situations . . .

I heard these screams from behind—

"Come on Mikuru! Get changed!"

"W-wait, you got something for me t-too?"

"Yes, now get those clothes off!"

"N-no! I can change myself!"

What the hell are you doing? Curiosity got the better of me as I turned around and found myself staring into the woeful eyes of Asahina-san. If my eyes went down any further than that, I don't think I would be able to control myself. . .

"No! Don't look!"

The best advice anyone has given me, Asahina-san. I decided to sprint to the other side of the building as I heard more cries from the helpless princess.

I'm going to apologize ahead of time.

Sorry.

* * *

This could've lasted thirty minutes to thirty hours. And let me tell you, it was unbearable. Though, leaning against this brick wall hearing quaint "No!"s and disgusting laughs could get to anyone really. I started wondering how my sister was doing when both girls finally came out from around the building.

Oh Asahina-san! You're an angel!

Instead of the plain blue dress she was wearing earlier, she wore a – pretty revealing – lacy white dress that almost looked like the robe Haruhi had minus the length and beauty. I had some trouble deciding where to put my eyes.

As for Haruhi, she had on a green dress that went up to her ankles that looked a lot like the lacy dress Asahina was wearing. That tailor must've been pretty perverted to make such clothing and we're in a pretty shady part of town too. Now I have to watch for lurkers instead this beauty.

Just _great_.

Haruhi was looking curiously at me all of a sudden and I backed away a bit.

"Well?"

What is _she _expecting?

"It looks great on you."

"Not that stupid. Lead the way."

Haruhi threw the rest of the clothes that she had stolen and Asahina's blue dress followed by a pink bra and other underware but decided to keep her white robe. It must be important since she decided to not use any more excuses to use me as a pack mule. And wait, we're still going around? Shouldn't we head home?

"You still haven't shown me anything about humans that I didn't already know about."

"Oh yeah and what do you 'already know about'?"

Haruhi grinned and grabbed Asahina-san by the shoulders and shoved her in front of me.

"What do you think about when you look at her?"

Asahina cringed and I worried for a second that she had whiplash, but it seems like Haruhi isn't that strong.

I could tell her that I think of momentary bliss and happiness from her wrath, but I'd probably make everything worse. I'll just tone the compliment down.

"Well she's prett—"

"You see?"

I glared at her.

"No, I don't see."

"You are blinded by looks and stature! For all you know, she could be plotting to kill us in the middle of the night! You humans are so obsessed with emotions like love and indulgence. That tailor was definitely a good example on how you could be so gluttonous and thick. I may not know much about humans, but I know for a fact that I didn't have to worry about people like him."

Well of course you don't need to worry about perverts in heaven.

"Well you're all related up there, right?"

Asahina whimpered as Haruhi put a bit too much pressure on her shoulders. Please stop before you cut off her circulation. It was silent for at least a minute until Haruhi decided to grab Asahina-san's wrist once more and drag her down the road.

"Wh-where are you taking me?"

"Be quiet," Haruhi answered in a menacing voice.

Before Haruhi got too far away, I ran up alongside her. I looked over to Asahina-san before asking this. I didn't want her to think I was crazy . . . but it's kind of too late now.

"You're father's a God right?"

Haruhi stopped suddenly and Asahina jerked nervously. Can't you release her now? I don't want such innocence to be dragged into this weird predicament . . .

"Just a father in name. We're gods remember? We aren't born, we're just . . . there."

Oh . . . Well I forgot that small detail. Why didn't you tell me this before?

"I didn't know that humans cared about things like a father or mother in ways called _love_. Really, it's so stupid."

"What's stupid?"

"Family! How many times do I have to say it?"

You didn't even say it at all!

Haruhi stormed away with Asahina once again but instead of following them I just stood there like an idiot. What else could I do? It's not like you would be able to say anything after that. I decided to protect Asahina-san from any wrongdoers that decided to show up and walked a snail's pace after them.

For some reason, I felt a weight that kept on pulling me to say something to her.

Except I didn't.

* * *

Haruhi didn't have any money.

After asking me if I had any I responded, "Why don't you wish for some?"

Haruhi then decided to rush ahead with Asahina-san, ignoring what I said completely. Good grief.

Somehow I needed to persuade Haruhi to let go of Asahina. Who knows if her body guards were issuing some search party to bring her captors to justice? I really hoped that Asahina didn't really think I was a kidnapper. She was looking back at me a bit nervously. Please don't think of me in that way Asahina-san!

After wondering the streets in random directions – since Haruhi had no idea where she was going – we ended up near that tailor's again. Nice planning there, you've lead us directly back into enemies territory. That isn't how you plan war. Not that we were going to war with anyone in the first place.

Though Haruhi somehow thought this was a good sign.

"Well, I know where we are. Now I don't need to ask stupid over here how to go home."

Again, unnecessary comments.

"So we're going home?" I decided to ask.

"Yeah, I'm pretty bored. I'm getting hungry and since you don't have any money, we can't buy anything."

Wasn't it you who had no money in the first place?

I looked over to Asahina, whose eyes were like round disks that were about to break. You are going to release her, right? We don't even really know where she came from. When I asked Haruhi this she paused to look over me.

"We're taking her with us, obviously."

" I already have to take care of you. My house isn't made to take care of your army."

"Mikuru, do you live anywhere?"

"Actually, I'm staying at an inn—"

"Well then you don't need to stay there tonight right? You don't want to waste time at such a boring place. And I heard it was pretty dangerous too."

Don't listen to her; an inn is much safer than being around her. Suddenly, Asahina looked over to the direction of the gate and her eyes widened even further. I understand why you wouldn't want to look at her but that was pretty . . . no it was random. I looked over into the direction she was staring at with interest and Haruhi remained forever oblivious. Some God . . .

There were two girls.

One had short hair. And no, it wasn't that girl from the dream. Instead this girl had a look of knowledge and tranquility instead of melancholy and kindness. Another thing, her face held no expression whatsoever. I noticed this girl first since she looked pretty familiar.

The other girl had hair as long as Haruhi's and a welcoming expression, unlike her friend's unemotional poise. She looked over to us with interest and put her hand up to her chin as if she was thinking something over. Asahina-san looked like she was holding her breath. Did she know those people?

"What are you looking at? You both should be paying attention to this!"

Haruhi stopped her blubbering to look into the direction of the two strangers. Her mouth curled up into a smile that looked familiar. She's planning something, isn't she?

"Follow me, both of you."

She marched ahead without bothering to grab Asahina this time. I was expecting Asahina-san to make a run for it, but she was too focused on the two girls. Maybe if I looked at her long enough she would get the picture.

A small blush lit her face as she realized someone was looking at her. Plan failed.

We followed behind Haruhi by a couple of meters and the Goddess stopped and pointed to the two strangers.

"We are the protectors of this town, so what is your business?"

Pff, protectors? More like disturbers of the peace. Really, did she expect to persuade people with this? Unfortunately, the kind girl smiled as if she believed in that crap. Are people really that simple-minded? This is getting tiresome.

"We are simply looking for something here. We will be on our way . . ."

"Suzumiya Haruhi."

"Suzumiya-san."

Haruhi nodded in satisfaction and gave a fake air of authority. If you ever became a protector, I would pray for the town you're protecting. Actually, I would move away.

Haruhi circled around the two and put her nose up like she was trying to sniff them out. Please stop now, before you get us into trouble.

"What are you looking for?" she asked, staring into the eyes of the silent girl. Amazingly, she didn't flinch. Kind girl responded again. I wonder if she was some sort of interpreter.

"We are looking for an artifact, something that we wish to watch over. You wouldn't mind that, Suzumiya-san?"

I would have thought her voice sounded threatening, but she still retained a high soprano. Haruhi snorted then glanced over at the quiet girl once again.

"She's with you?"

"Yes. She's Nagato Yuki-san. And I am Asakura Ryoko. If you don't mind, but we would like to go."

Haruhi frowned as if she was a small child whose sand castle was washed away. This really isn't suppose to be fun you know. My stomach began to remind me of the high sun in the sky. I really hope Haruhi didn't intend to follow them.

Asakura glided ahead and Nagato followed shortly behind. They were like two images in a mirror with their reflecting personalities. Before they left Nagato – the one that didn't say anything at all – shoved something into my hands.

"Read."

Before I could thank her, she drifted back into line behind Asakura. And somehow, Haruhi and Asahina didn't see this exchange as they were to focused on the present Asakura. Fortunately, the piles of clothes hide the book nicely.

I didn't want Haruhi to spoil my fun.

* * *

**Hope you liked it and please respond!**

**Heh, I love Owl City. Inspiration galore!  
**


	5. Chapter Five: Longevity

The night went by almost as it had yesterday. Haruhi made some strange (though I hate to admit, delicious) dinner, however this time she was accompanied by Asahina. I decided to check up on the two cows and see if my sister had been doing an okay job while we were gone.

Turns out they were much better then when I had left them. When I asked my sister about this she shrugged.

"I guess the cows like me more then you, Kyon-kun!"

And that was that. My sister had turned into my new rival.

"Kyon! Set the table!" Haruhi screamed as I entered "my" house again.

I began to bring the table from Haruhi's room into the kitchen once again and since we had an extra person I had to start bringing out the pots and pans. I (once again) asked Haruhi if she could make extra utensils appear.

"That would be no fun!"

Damn, that's her excuse for everything! I'm starting to wonder . . .

Haruhi noticed the strange glance I was giving her and faltered in her stirring. Yeah, act even more suspicious.

"Seriously," she said a bit weakly.

Could. Fool. Me.

Asahina, on the other hand, looked over to us in curiosity.

"What do you mean by 'can you make a plate appear'?"

Oh, Asahina-san! If only you hadn't been questioning my sanity then, I would have come up with a angelic metaphor that would've caused your heart to soar! Unfortunately, Haruhi interrupted.

"Oh, didn't you know already? I'm a Goddess."

. . . She's not even trying to hide it.

"Oh really! No wonder . . ."

Wait, wait, wait . . . you believe her? _Okay _. . . Asahina, could you be even more gullible?

"Yep!"

For the rest of the night, the subject didn't come up again. Haruhi once again stuffed herself like a pig and my sister once again thought it was a race. Asahina-san used her chopsticks elegantly almost as if it was some sort of strict martial arts. I ended up having the smaller portion and had to use the spoon since we only had two pairs of chopsticks. For some reason, Asahina had some on her.

If Asahina-san had been in the river and had said "I'm a Goddess!" then I would've definitely believed her. Haruhi, you look too shady.

"Okay! Now that we're done we have to assign rooms!"

I was left to cleaning the dishes as Haruhi made this announcement. Asahina bobbed her head up from staring at the table and my sister started clapping her hands as if Haruhi had run the entire field and back in under a minute. Haruhi's ego had soared through heaven and into the unknown.

"Mikuru-chan! You are sleeping in my room! Kyon, are there any extra futons?"

"There might be one in the shed . . ."

"Good, now go get it! And if it has maggots or something crawling all over it you're going to be punished!"

I sighed as I placed the last cup into the wash bin and rinsed it out.

Now that I think about it, Haruhi probably could run the field in under a minute . . .

* * *

Fortunately, I set up the futon and the table in "my" room in under an hour and I had time to spare simply relaxing. I would usually laze around the house after dinner anyway and maybe even fall asleep.

But since I have a new mom (Haruhi), lazing around the house is not an option.

"Move it to the right!"

I did so.

"No you idiot! When I say right I meant only two inches to the right!"

Make yourself clearer then! I moved the painting back four inches and nailed it into the wall. As I was going through some old stuff in the shed, Haruhi saw the many "treasures" that made up this shed. There was mostly only old furniture and paintings (yes more paintings) and a few rugs that had to be beaten out.

I had to drag _everything _out. Well, it was basically everything since something like a rake isn't going to be needed until the fall. And by fall, I hope that she makes her way back to wherever she came from.

I had to beat out the carpet, dust the paintings, and scrap some paint off the window sill (I don't really know why I had to do that but Haruhi said she didn't like the paint color). By the time I was done, I was physically and mentally exhausted.

Asahina and my sister were in the room playing some old board game I found in the shed.

Haruhi crossed her arms as she inspected the room. Don't tell me I have to do more . . .

"_Hmm _. . . that's good enough for now. But it still seems shabby."

My entire house had went through some sort of make over. The extra paintings had gone into the kitchen and the rugs hid the cold bare look the wooden floors had before. I would have to say, in only two hours of work, the house was actually looking livable again.

Haruhi went over to one of the paintings and turned it a bit and made it look as if we had gone through an earthquake. They were mostly paintings of the forest and the river and if I counted them all it would probably be around seven or eight paintings.

Haruhi looked down at the side of the painting and blinked once.

"Who's 'Kameko'?"

I looked over Haruhi's shoulder.

"Oh, that's my mom's name."

"'Longevity'. What a nice name."

Haruhi stood there thinking for a few minutes.

"Yeah but she really didn't live that long."

"So wait . . . she's dead?"

Haruhi's face was grief stricken. I sighed.

"You know, it's nice and all that you're actually worried about me but it's not that bad really."

"I wasn't worried about you stupid, I was worried about your sister. Now that I think about it, you're the classic poor commoner!"

Where is she going now?

"Who knows how much you two had to go through! Did you have to climb that hill every day to get supplies to build this house? Was food so scarce during the winter that you had to eat your own dog?"

Okay, I need to stop her.

"First off, I've lived in this house for most of my life and no, food wasn't scarce during the winter. We also never owned a dog. If I was actually still in morning over my parents, I would've been offended you know. If you're a 'Goddess' why do you keep making my life sound like a fairy tale or something? Isn't your life intresting, being omnipotent and all?"

Somehow, that spill of mine shut her up. Maybe I went too far? No, there's no such thing as going too far with Haruhi. At least I knew that during the whole blackmail incident. I looked outside to check for guards. Nope, still safe.

Haruhi moved my mother's painting again.

"So, she liked painting scenery? I guess it's nice . . . but it still doesn't make the house lively."

Jeez, if we continue remodeling the house like this, I'm not going to be able to walk through it. Haruhi announced to all of us that we would be heading into town (Again?) to look for some couches. My sister agreed wholeheartedly for some reason, I disagreed wholeheartedly, and Asahina didn't even participate in the whole. Two votes against my flimsy one.

All thoughts of the book had escaped my mind by then. Mistake number one?

* * *

I woke up with a call.

"Uh . . . excuse me, sir?"

Leave me alone, I want to imagine what salmon tastes like again.

"Sir, why are you sleeping outside this house?"

Wait, what?

I got up quickly to the face of a man dressed in pretty odd clothes. Not Haruhi kicking me in the head. Not Asahina gentally shaking my unconscious figure. Not my sister screaming "Kyon-kun!" over and over. No, it was this random stranger. Why can't someone wake me up normally for once?

I glared at the pretty faced man as he smiled back.

He probably thought I was homeless.

"I live here," I said, deciding to straighten things out.

"Oh really?"

Seems like he didn't believe me.

"Really."

He chuckled lightly.

"All right then. My name is Kozumi Itsuki, a traveling merchant. If you buy something then I'll believe you."

Don't act like that extorting devil that's sleeping indoors! If he wants to play a game then I'll just play along.

"Yeah, except my money is inside."

I went up to the door and opened it.

No wait, why the hell is it locked!

I cursed under my breath and began to knock the door.

"Haruhi, I'm locked out!"

No reply.

"Hey!"

I knocked louder.

No reply.

. . . If this is some practical joke then I must be falling for it.

"Open the damn door Haruhi!"

All the while, this Kozumi started laughing to himself as if he was the one who had set up the joke.

"Seems as if you can't get inside. Oh well. I'll just show you what I have."

He sat down his pack and began taking items out of it. There were pretty old stuff, from old books to toys. He even brought out some strange looking vegetable or fruit. He didn't take out all of his products but I knew that even that toy horse had to be over 2,000 yen. There is no way I could afford any of it.

I shook my head at him.

"Sorry, but I don't need any of this."

Kozumi still had that stupid smile on his face. Seriously? I just said I couldn't buy anything and you still look happy? You probably had to walk a lot to get here not to mention you coming to my remote cow ranch as being suspicious. Who would ever come to this hell hole to sell rare items? This guy really is stupid.

"I see . . . well then. I'll just wait for your wife and see if she changes your mind."

. . . This guy is _really_ getting on my nerves.

Before I could reply, Haruhi came out from behind the house and scared the living daylights out of me. Seriously, why are you so quiet when you need to be loud?

Haruhi's face suddenly lit up.

"You must be a mysterious traveling merchant! So who are you? A prince in disguise? An assassin? Or! Or! Maybe even a mage!"

Where does she get these ideas?

Kozumi laughed and shook his head.

"I only wish I was."

. . . Okay I don't know anyone who would wish to become a runaway prince, an assassin, or a mage. I'll have to label him as weirdo number two. Kozumi bowed deeply to Haruhi as if she was an empress.

"Please to make my acquaintance, wife of the bum outside."

That's just going too far!

"Kyon! Stop glaring at him like that! You have to be welcoming towards your guests!"

Yeah, I'll welcome him. To my fist.

Kozumi continued laughing and smiling in my direction. Can people _stop _making me feel like crap?

"There is no need since I am not your guest at this time. He refused to buy anything. That means I'm not welcome."

You got that right.

"Kyon, did you really say you wouldn't buy anything? Don't listen to this jerk mysterious merchant! He doesn't have common sense."

Said the Goddess.

"Oh, well then. As expected . Now, what does the lovely wife want," he said waving his hand towards the direction of his inventory. He just called Haruhi my wife for the third time didn't he?

"There's no way I'd marry this idiot. I would rather die. But, I'll look anyway."

If you weren't immortal that is. And why is she keeping herself a secret from him? She seemed to have been announcing it to the world yesterday. I'll laugh if you bought a poisoned apple and when you ate it in front of him, you didn't collapse. That would probably freak him out.

. . . I'll have to ask Haruhi later if she could die.

"Go ahead. There is much more in that bag as well."

Haruhi skipped over the items laying on the ground completely and picked up the bag. Maybe she actually trusted that there was nothing that he had brought out wasn't needed. Most of the stuff looked like junk anyway.

After hearing Haruhi scream "Ah, ha!" reminding me on what had happened yesterday, she got out of the bag as if she had finally climbed out of a hole after three years and lifted up the item that she had scavenged.

A plate.

"Perfect! How much is it?"

"For you, 100 yen."

Is he serious? That plate definitely looks like it's at least 2,000 yen. Is he really that stupid? Haruhi looked over at me as if I had been asking for a higher price. That was when my sister walked in from inside the house. She looked as if she had just woken up. I won't be able to say no now.

After arguing with my sister and Haruhi they ended up running into the house to get the amount of money needed. I guess it's okay as long as I don't eat from a pan anymore.

Asahina was the last to arrive.

"Isn't this great Mikuru? You'll be able to eat from a plate now!"

"R-Really?"

"Really! Act more confident, Mikuru!"

. . . I should've expected this.

Since Haruhi only found one plate in the _entire _inventory, I was left with the pot and spoon for lunch. Just great.

"So Kozumi-kun, where are you from?" asked Haruhi. She probably didn't even care.

"I come from a few towns over. I don't live far from here."

Haruhi look disappointed at this.

"So you didn't have to travel days in order to sell? Well that's boring. Anyway . . . why are you a merchant?"

"My father was a merchant so it was expected from me to become one."

Haruhi glared in Kozumi's direction.

What is this, an interrogation?

"Whatever, have you already gone into town?"

"Actually, this house was my first stop."

Why would anyone want to stop at a house that practically looks abandoned? He continued smiling looking into my direction. "If he hadn't been sleeping outside, I would've thought that no one lived here."

Oh great, so he's just trying to blame it all on me when I was blaming him in the first place.

"Yeah, well Kyon always gets up too late anyway. You know I've already been up for two hours! I snuck past you and you still didn't wake up! I decided to lock the door for your inncolance! No one is allowed to be sleeping while I'm awake! Kozumi-kun probably thought you were dead!"

Why didn't you scold my sister and Asahina-san then? And why isn't Kozumi leaving?

The merchant shifted his weight but he somehow contiued to smile.

"Just waiting for a reason to leave but I guess now would be a good time," he said pack up some of the items on the ground. Asahina had remained silent the entire time and as soon as it didn't have anything to do with her, my sister had left the scene.

After saying his goodbyes, the stupid merchant left. Before I could rejoice in victory, haruhi began to drag me after him.

"What are you doing?"

"We're going to get some furniture anyway so might as well follow him into town!"

"But I don't have any money on me!"

"We were going to pay for the furniture?"

Yare, yare.

* * *

**Sorry for the late update, I was sort of deciding were to take this. I was thinking about bringing Yuki into this chapter but I thought it would be too soon. Review please!**

**Update: Tee hee, didn't catch "sour" when it was suppose to be soar. I R Smart.**


	6. Chapter Six: Little Red Riding Hood

"Why are you following her? It's not in our interests for you to continue courting a _god_. If you do not separate yourself from her, then I'll have no choice but to kill you."

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait! Kill me? What type of threat am I? And courting God? What the hell is she saying? This girl is holding a sword up to my throat so my thought processes are probably uncomprehensible, heh heh. That's what you would expect from someone in my situation, right?

"Hm— it seems you are undecided. Allow me to speed up your decision."

My eyes lowered as she brought the sword up against the skin of my neck, the cold steel tickling my breathing processes which I hadn't been doing much so far. Breath in, breath ou– no wait, a damn sword is in the way.

I'm sure you're wondering, "How the hell did he get here?"

Well, let's see . . . I remember it started with Haruhi dragging me back up that dreaded hill . . .

* * *

"I can't believe I have to drag your fat ass along with me. You should move faster, bloat hole!"

Hearing Haruhi repeatedly call me names. That's what I have to live with.

"Well, you should give him a break. After all, he didn't have breakfast yet."

Hearing this bastard kiss my ass. That's what I have to live with.

"It's getting too close to lunch time so it really wasn't necessary. You should have gotten up faster!"

I'm sure you snore, Haruhi. That's why you wake up earlier, you wake yourself up.

"Shut up you moron and move!"

I felt a quick kick to the behind and I fell flat on my face. This is what I want kicked out. Is karma at fault?

"You see! Your ass was so fat, it didn't even hurt when I kicked it! Get up!"

Thanks, Haruhi. Thanks a lot.

I got up onto my hands, glaring at the "Goddess" who had decided to walk ahead of us – the air of an empress. The merchant of crap came up to me and offered a hand, dropping to his knees.

"Need help?"

I glared at his outstretched hand and lifted myself off the dirt road, brushing whatever was on my hands onto my trousers.

"Thanks, but no thanks."

I glanced over to Haruhi's direction and saw that she had already made speedy progress upwards. She's not even bothering to turn around. _Arrogant_. I heard Kozumi chuckle at something as I began stomping in her direction. What's so funny?

"It seems that the frog has yet to be kissed."

Huh? What crap is he spouting now?

I threw him a questioning look and he merely shrugged.

"Don't mind me. You might want to catch up to her."

I sighed as I began my chase with this tyrant. _So arrogant_.

We made our way past the gate and into the city, the foul smells of poverty reaching my nose. I thought that Haruhi would at least pause to look around to see where the inn was but . . .

"Here it is! If you want, Itsuki-kun, I could ruff the inn keeper up a little so that you could get a free room!"

I gave Kozumi a look of disgust. He gave his annoying shrug again in Haruhi's direction.

"That would be nice Suzumiya-san but I don't want people avoiding this inn."

It wouldn't be nice at all!

"Oh . . . well yeah you're right. Without the inn keeper, people wouldn't come in to buy your stuff."

That wasn't what he meant at all.

Haruhi decided to accompany Kozumi inside the inn while I stood outside watching out for "warlocks or suspicious looking people in black capes that cackle manically." I have to begin to wonder where she gets her ideas from. As one minute became ten, I decided to sit against the brick wall. I'm starting to look suspicious standing out here like this.

I probably would have nodded off to sleep, however I heard someone call out towards me.

"Excuse me, sir?"

I shook, startled as I looked up towards the elder woman calling my name. She was just off to my left, hauling a barrel of some sort from an alleyway. I would've been suspicious of her, however, I wasn't as paranoid as Haruhi. After all, she's not a witch or anything.

"What?"

She smiled sweetly as she had caught my attention.

"Would you mind kind sir to help me haul this barrel of apples to my home? I really have become brittle."

Wait, now pause. Why would an old lady like you be carrying a whole barrel of apples home? Her grand kids must love apple pie. This old lady would be suspicious from Haruhi's subjective view. However, my subjective view had more common sense.

"Oh . . . well okay then."

I got off the dirt road and went towards the barrel of apples. "So . . . where's your house?"

"It's west of town. It should take us twenty minutes at the least."

Oh joy.

Well . . . Haruhi has Kozumi so it should be fine. It's not like I was Haruhi's babysitter.

And so began the apple haul of purity, the journey to wash my sins clean of adversary and cynicism.

As I began wondering where this journey might take me, the old women muttered something.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Have you ever heard of the story of Snow White?"

Well . . . yeah I guess? A princess and an apple right?

"Yes . . . yes . . . Wouldn't it be funny if you were actually helping the evil step-mother in making her poisoned apples?"

What kind of old lady asks a question like that? The elder laughed at my expression. "I kid, I kid! The kids of today really have no sense of humor."

How was that, in any way, funny? Though, if I did take that seriously just now . . . there must be something wrong with me. After her laughing had calmed down and I had lifted the barrel over a few rocks, she suddenly had a sullen expression. Normally, I wouldn't ask what was wrong to a complete stranger but . . . I was curious. She chuckled deeply as I asked her.

"I am quite fine. What about Red Riding Hood? Have you heard of that one?"

I don't . . . believe so . . .

"Really? You haven't heard of the story of Little Red Riding Hood?"

"Well no . . . I wasn't into the fairy tale stuff when I was a kid."

I brought the barrel over a sharp rock and I jump at the sudden force. For some reason, the clouds had become a bit . . . menacing. Even dangerous. You're house better not be farther away, the rain looks like it's coming in. I began to start regretting helping this stranger. But I'm not five and it's not like this old woman could harm me in any way . . .

Right?

"Well then, why don't I tell you the story?"

I'd rather you actually not talk.

"Well then. I guess it starts with a 'once upon a time', right? Well, once upon a time, there was a little girl with a big red hood. Everyone gave her the nickname, 'Little Red Riding Hood' because she weared this hood all the time. Now, Red Ridding Hood had an old sick grandmother, almost like me, that needed assistance. So, she took her hood and as she went her mom cried, 'You better not trust any wolves in the forest'. However, she laughed it off and merely waltzed away."

The clouds began churning along with her voice making this child's story have a more horror feel to it. The way she was telling the story only made the setting creepier. Should I head back? Haruhi and Kozumi were probably worried . . . Ha, no way. Kozumi wasn't even coming back out and Haruhi would never give a damn about me . . .

Anyway, the elder woman continued her story . . .

"Along the way, Red Riding Hood stumbled upon a wolf who looked kind enough to her. The wolf asked where she was going and replied with, 'I'm going to my Grandmother's house. You see, she's very sick and needs proper treatment.' The wolf smile coyly. 'Well then, may I lead you out of the forest?' Red Riding Hood, remembering her mother's warning, ran away from the wolf in fright."

I gripped the barrel tighter as I realized we weren't in the city anymore. No, we had somehow become surrounded by trees. The clouds darkened the forest floor so that I could barely see the elder woman. I stopped.

"Hmm? Why have you stopped? You won't help an old lady like me? Or maybe you are having doubts? The story scaring you, boy?"

I was wondering whether I should run from this old lady. I never remembered there being a forest in the middle of town.

When she realized that I was silent, she continued –

"When Red Riding Hood got to her Grandmother's house she found her all tucked in bed. Little Riding Hood realized something strange about her Grandma,'My, what big eyes you have Grandma!'"

The forest was silent. The echoing of her voice was menacing. I had to get away. I don't know why but . . . she seemed dangerous. Never help strangers? Well . . . it was better then being hauled around by Haruhi . . .

"'All the more to see you, my dear,' the Grandmother said."

My breathing began to quicken and the forest floor seemed to shake.

"'My, what big ears you have Grandma!'

'All the more to hear you my dear.'"

We had all but froze as she continued, I forgot all about the barrel of apples I had been hauling.

"'My, what big swords you have Grandma!'

'All the more to kill you with!'"

I reacted fast as a slither of silver came piercing the air, cutting off a bit of my hair in the process. I stumbled and fell onto the wet ground, a drop of rain making it's way onto my face. I only managed to look up in time to see long hair blowing in the wind and a youthful face.

Did Grandma find the fountain of youth or something?

Before I could see her face, she struck again with a second sword and I only managed to get myself a cut in my cheek before rolling out of the way. I began hearing a light laugh. I turned around swiftly.

"Oh, Little Red Riding Hood. Wouldn't it be better if your entire face was red besides your hood? That's quite boring to me. You need to appreciate Grandma's tastes!"

Yes, it was Asakura Ryoko from yesterday. And yes, she's trying to kill me.

"What do you want? What are you?"

I began scrambling up onto my feet since the ground wouldn't be a good position to be in. She gave another high soprano laugh and began to advance forward.

"Why are you following her? It's not in our interests for you to continue courting a _god_. If you do not separate yourself from her, then I'll have no choice but to kill you."

I'm guessing this was where we'd left off.

With the impending doom and a high pitched laugh, Asakura pushed one of her duel swords harder against my throat.

"I guess killing you is all that matters. It has no consequences to me if you die. It might be better for all of us if you do."

And she's saying that with a smile. A smile, dammit! I'm screwed . . . please, Asahina-san. Take care of my sister, don't let Haruhi be a total influence. And Kozumi . . . wait, why am I including him? I just met him today, he doesn't need to be in my pre-death internal monologue speech.

Well . . . that just ruined it . . .

Before I could feel cold steel slash through my neck, ending it all in seconds, The air suddenly felt . . . hot? No, not just hot . . . there was fire, everywhere. The wicked forest was suddenly replaced by bursting flames, ripping the sweat off my back and into the air. Asakura looked a bit surprised but still maintained a smile.

"Well . . . I guess the story needs the woodcutter, correct?"

Asakura sighed like an adult was spoiling a child's fun and the sword that was pointed towards my face seemed to evaporate like water. Wait . . . her swords are made of water? Then how . . . ? Sigh, you know what, I'm not even going to ask. I realized that she still had one sword above her head and was now beginning to bring it down onto my head. I closed my eyes to brace the impact but instead of the light that we are suppose to see at the end of the road I saw . . .

". . ."

She stood there with the sword held tightly in her hand.

Nagato Yuki.

* * *

**Yeah, I'll explain the book and everything in the next chapter. Just wait a bit more please .**


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